he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
