Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
