his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
