u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think my moral compass just broke
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
