Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
handjob tips. give me some.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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