I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
