She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i drank out of a bidet.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
