Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
