They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this just has baby written all over it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
