i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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