Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
