I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry about my life...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
