he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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