i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
