PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
