P.S. I can't hear my feet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
