Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How naked do you want me to be?
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