i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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