There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
