Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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