Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
