There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
