I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
