One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
