Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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