The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
