I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
