i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
