vagina is talking i cant
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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