did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
