Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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