It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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