You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
