we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
