i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
