I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
