My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
