My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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