I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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