So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
