triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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