good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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