As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
