i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
