I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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