I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All the doctor said was why
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
