I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
