yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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