Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You ruined the universe
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
