Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
