Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
