i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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