I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
