I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
