Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
